Thursday 12 February 2015

Talking to the trees



I've recently been amused and slightly startled by the news that the Melbourne City Council has:
a.) Cataloged all of its trees, assigning each a number. (A mate of mine whose business is making small signs and tags wanted to know who got the contract to make all the little signs.)
b.) Created a web site with an interactive map of all the trees (http://melbourneurbanforestvisual.com.au/#mapexplore); and
c.) Most bizarrely,  arranged the web site so when you click on a tree you not only get the tree's species and age, but YOU CAN SEND THE TREE AN EMAIL.  AND YOU GET A RESPONSE FROM THE TREE.
Unless they have particularly intelligent and dexterous trees in Melbourne, I suspect a highly paid Council employee has the responsibility for this nonsense.

 My leafy email friend is a Platanus (London Plane), located in front of St. Pauls's Catherdral on the iconic corner of Flinders and Swanston Streets.  It has a life expectancy of between 21 and 30 years.
 I wish I could say the same.  

What follows is my arboreal correspondence:
From: Pat Lane [mailto:p_lane@datafast.net.au]
Sent: Saturday, 7 February 2015 1:18 PM
To: Melbourne Urban Forest
Subject: Information about a London Plane, Tree ID 1024921


Dear 1024921,

Melbourne’s trees add much to “the most liveable city’s” beauty.

I’ve heard trees are threatened by climate change.

How’re you?

Pat

Pat Lane


To my great delight, I received this response from tree 1024921, AKA Allison Gibbs.



From: Allison Gibbs [mailto:Allison.Gibbs@melbourne.vic.gov.au] On Behalf Of Melbourne Urban Forest
Sent: Wednesday, 11 February 2015 2:49 PM
To: Pat Lane
Subject: RE: Information about a London Plane, Tree ID 1024921

Hi Pat

I’m wonderful thanks for asking although I must admit I’m a little nervous about climate change.
Let’s hope it rains this afternoon!

Thanks for your email.

Love London Plane, Tree ID 1024921

I couldn't resist responding


From: Pat Lane [mailto:p_lane@datafast.net.au]
Sent: Wednesday, 11 February 2015 3:35 PM
To: 'Melbourne Urban Forest'
Subject: RE: Information about a London Plane, Tree ID 1024921

Dear 1024921,

I’m pleased you are well.

As even a tree should know, there is little risk from climate change.

The Earth’s climate has always been changing and will, no doubt, continue to do so.  The small amount of warming experienced in the 1990s was comparable to that experienced in the 1940s, prior to the global warming scare. Overall, the Earth has been coming out of an ice age for the past 10,000+ years and as you well know, the period following an ice age is, by definition, warmer.

All of the hype about dangerous anthropogenic global warming is based on computer models that have had no correlation with reality for nearly 20 years.

As there are trillions of dollars on the table, there is a strong tendency among humans to exaggerate, fabricate and otherwise make outrageous claims.

As a tree, you will be aware that you are much better off with a little extra carbon dioxide in the air, and a bit of warming is preferable to an ice age.

I’ll LEAF you alone now and go out on a LIMB and suggest that anyone who’s a global warming alarmist is a bit of a SAP.

If it’s not a personal question, how many rings old are you?

Pat


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